Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Climate change deniers, from the backline

In honour of Christine Milne's listing of climate change deniers prominent in Australia, I have taken the liberty of adding a few more to bring it up to 22 and arranging them into an Australian football team, named from the backline in traditional style a la the Coodabeens:

B: Brian Fisher, Dick Warburton, Shirley In't Veld
HB: Sam Walsh, Hugh Morgan, Mitch Hook
C: Martin Ferguson, Chris Mitchell, Cory Bernardi
HF: John Roskam, Ian Plimer, Jo Nova
F: Andrew Bolt, Gina Rinehart, Rupert Murdoch
Foll: Bob Carter, Danny Price, Ian McNamara
Int: Innes Willox, Maurice Newman, David Murray
Sub: George Pell

The backline is taken from the panel of the renewable energy target review, which is currently the last line of defence against science and facts. The halfback line is the mining lobby, for which any number of half back flankers could have been chosen since they have all been talking their own book on this issue from the start to deny extra taxes. Morgan is probably due for retirement, but he's going around one last time for another flag.

The centre line includes a left winger at left wing, albeit in name only, as I reckon Martin Ferguson is one of those Labor politicians who is going to end up being more beloved of the right as times goes on (see: Gary Johns). Cory Bernardi wins the right wing spot ahead of a gaggle of aspirants from the Senate clown show. Chris Mitchell sits in the center - not politically, of course, but in the centre of the climate denial team.

The half forward line contains a few IPA hired guns on the flanks, and I could have chucked half a dozen more from the ranks of the wingnut think tanks, but centre half forward could only be occupied by one man: pebble specialist Ian Plimer. There is no rock that Plimer couldn't pick up in Australia and wax lyrical about its geological history with great precision and knowledge... and then proceed to piff in the general direction of intelligent people, to no effect.

In one forward pocket you have Andrew Bolt who is usually fully forward in his attacks, who is in the pocket of the other forward pocket in Rupert Murdoch who is never shy of coming forward and reaching into his pocket, but arguably Bolt's also in the pocket of Gina Rinehart who is your classic roadblock full forward, and has a lot of other teammates in her pocket such as the aforementioned Plimer. Ms Rinehart has a lot of pockets in her overalls.

There are two more jacked-up credibility-free scientists at ruck and ruck rover in palaeontologist Bob Carter and economist Danny Price, but for rover it's a media personality, the host of Australia All Over on ABC Radio, the infamous "Macca". He would also make my team of Australians Furthest Up Themselves, but he makes this list due to his denialism.

The interchange bench is staffed by yet more business rentseekers, of which there are a cast of thousands. In the green substitutes vest is Cardinal George Pell, who doesn't quite fit in with the rest of this list but I suppose will be subbed in once the game is won to rack up some garbage time stats telling us all how right all his teammates were.


  1. oh noes, we are all gonna die!

  2. Hey monty, just noticed from a tweet on the side that you have a baby son. Congratulations!

  3. Welcome to Fatherhood M0nty.

    Get him to play a straight bat and keep his left arm high when bowling!!!

  4. Thanks Homer. No son of mine is going to be no balled for a dodgy action!